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I am really inherently self-destructive. I have rather low self-esteem, and I seem to enjoy smashing it further and further into the ground -- of my own volition!
Case in point: I am applying for a job at a summer camp. (No, it's not in Louisiana, and it has horses, not zombies.) I find the "Meet Our Staff" section and click it, intending to get an idea of how many people they hire for the position I want.
Instead, I read all the bios and compare their experiences and qualifications with my own, and find myself sadly lacking. I most always find myself sadly lacking when I compare myself with another person, but it seems worse, here. Almost everyone in the horse camps own their own horses or have been riding most of their life -- generally, if they own their own horse, the "or" becomes an "and." I have no teaching experience. I compare my interests to theirs that are listed and feel myself falling drastically short. Then I look at the lists of staff in 2008, then 2007, then 2006 and continue to feel completely unqualified.
Basically, I depress myself and I haven't even finished the application.
I don't know why I do this to myself. I am so deathly afraid of failure that I make up new reasons to not even try just so I don't have to experience that.
I am still so very, completely and utterly, immature.
Case in point: I am applying for a job at a summer camp. (No, it's not in Louisiana, and it has horses, not zombies.) I find the "Meet Our Staff" section and click it, intending to get an idea of how many people they hire for the position I want.
Instead, I read all the bios and compare their experiences and qualifications with my own, and find myself sadly lacking. I most always find myself sadly lacking when I compare myself with another person, but it seems worse, here. Almost everyone in the horse camps own their own horses or have been riding most of their life -- generally, if they own their own horse, the "or" becomes an "and." I have no teaching experience. I compare my interests to theirs that are listed and feel myself falling drastically short. Then I look at the lists of staff in 2008, then 2007, then 2006 and continue to feel completely unqualified.
Basically, I depress myself and I haven't even finished the application.
I don't know why I do this to myself. I am so deathly afraid of failure that I make up new reasons to not even try just so I don't have to experience that.
I am still so very, completely and utterly, immature.